Redefining Myself:A Trailing Spouse’s Journey from Family Backbone to Business Builder
For many trailing spouses, life is a delicate balance of supporting a spouse’s career across new and often unfamiliar places while holding the family together. At first, the role can feel exciting, even fulfilling. We dive into creating a home, helping our family adapt to new cultures, and being the stable presence our children and partner need. But in dedicating ourselves to our family and spouse’s career, we can easily lose touch with our own goals. And finding purpose that’s truly our own—especially one that feels sustainable, not just a fleeting hobby—is both challenging and transformative.
Being the Backbone: The Challenges of a Trailing Spouse
As a trailing spouse, my world has revolved around family. I manage the logistics, help the children settle into new schools, and create a home wherever we are. Every few years, I pack up our life, say goodbye to friends, and start over for the stability of our family and the advancement of my spouse’s career. This role is meaningful, but it’s also taxing. The unseen work we do as trailing spouses often goes unnoticed, and it’s easy to lose a sense of our own identity amidst the responsibilities.
Through it all, I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have a supportive spouse. We’ve always communicated openly about our sacrifices and priorities, which has helped us avoid the resentment that many couples in our situation might face. He has always encouraged me to pursue my dreams, which has been crucial as I’ve worked to build something meaningful of my own, even within the framework of a life that revolves around frequent moves.
The Struggles of Starting a Business When You’re Always on the Move
Starting a business as a trailing spouse presents unique challenges. Building something sustainable, especially with the knowledge that another move is always on the horizon, can feel daunting. Just as you begin to establish yourself, the prospect of uprooting and starting over becomes a reality. The temptation to leave a business idea in “hobby mode” is strong—it’s easier and safer, a way to avoid the frustration of investing time, energy, and resources into something only to have it disrupted by the next relocation.
But moving beyond a hobby requires commitment, focus, and the belief that our dreams are worth it. It means treating our business with the same seriousness we would if we weren’t facing another move. For me, taking Studio Amelia from an idea to a reality was about investing in myself and honoring my own aspirations alongside my family’s needs.
Starting Studio Amelia: My Journey of Finding Purpose During Hard Times
My journey with Studio Amelia began during one of the hardest times in my life. In 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, we were living in Vietnam and faced an incredibly strict lockdown. My children homeschooled for 15 months, our family contracted COVID-19 multiple times, and at one point, the lockdown was so restrictive that the army delivered groceries to our door. Despite the challenges, I found purpose in studying interior design online with the Sydney Design School. Each lesson brought me joy and reminded me of my own dreams, giving me something to look forward to in a difficult time.
In 2023, we moved to Sydney for my husband’s job, and I finally had the opportunity to finish my education on campus. This transition wasn’t without its bumps, but my husband’s support was unwavering. His encouragement allowed me to turn my passion into something real. And so, Studio Amelia was born—a business that helps expats create beautiful, comfortable homes, no matter where they are in the world.
Choosing Yourself: Shifting from Selflessness to Self-Priority
Choosing yourself as a trailing spouse often feels like a departure from everything you’ve known. But at a certain point, you realize that you deserve more than a supporting role. Choosing yourself isn’t about abandoning your family; it’s about making space for your own dreams alongside theirs.
For me, this meant embracing Studio Amelia as more than a passion project. I had to redefine my role—not just as a wife, mother, and partner, but as someone with ambitions that truly matter. This required setting boundaries, learning to say no to things that pulled me away from my goals, and dedicating the time and energy needed to make my business a priority. The shift was gradual and challenging, but each step brought me closer to a version of myself I hadn’t connected with in a long time. And yet, I am constantly redefining this role; it’s an ongoing process, requiring me to recalibrate and adjust as I grow and as life around me evolves.
Overcoming Guilt and Embracing Self-Worth
Choosing yourself often brings with it a sense of guilt, especially after years of putting family first. We worry about the impact on our loved ones, or we feel selfish for pursuing our own dreams. But choosing yourself doesn’t mean choosing against your family. In fact, pursuing our own purpose can enrich family life, modeling resilience, strength, and self-worth for our children, and fostering a stronger partnership with our spouse.
Through the journey of building Studio Amelia, I’ve learned to value my ambitions as integral to my family’s well-being. With my husband’s encouragement, I transformed my narrative from “just a trailing spouse” to someone with purpose and potential. Now, I can offer my family a fuller version of myself—a happier, more fulfilled person who has claimed her own identity.
A New Path Forward: Balancing Family and Personal Fulfillment
For trailing spouses, the journey of choosing yourself isn’t just a personal decision; it’s a recalibration of the family dynamic. It’s about balancing the role of family anchor with that of an independent dreamer and achiever. It’s about open, honest conversations with your spouse, seeking support, and setting boundaries that protect your goals.
Choosing yourself is about redefining what it means to be a partner, a parent, and an individual. With the support of a loving partner, I’ve found a way to build something that fits my life and enriches it. We are more than the backbone of our family; we are individuals with dreams, ambitions, and the potential to make a lasting impact. For me, Studio Amelia is the embodiment of this journey—a way to blend my passion with purpose and build a business that serves the expat community that has been such a meaningful part of my life.
Remember, choosing yourself isn’t about leaving your family behind; it’s about bringing your dreams alongside them. Embracing your own passions and goals can feel daunting, especially when life has been dedicated to supporting others. But each step you take toward defining your own purpose is a step toward fulfillment, growth, and a fuller, more vibrant life. You’re not just a trailing spouse; you’re someone with dreams that matter. So, dare to take up space, to pursue what lights you up, and to believe that your journey is just as valuable. Here’s to building a life that honors both your family and the remarkable, resilient person you are becoming.
with Love,
